Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
