I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
