you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
