So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
