I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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