God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
