So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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