His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
