I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I cut my penus on the lid.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
