So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
