I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
