I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
