The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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