He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
