Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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