I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
