Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
