am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
