I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
