no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
