That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The ass gains better be worth it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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