I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
