I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
