i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
