now i know why i became what i already was.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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