can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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