I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
