when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
