i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize