M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
