You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
