i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
