I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
