I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
