this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
