weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
