smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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