i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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