GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
