No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
