Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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