Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
