My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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