That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm always down for nudity.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize