it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
