you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
