i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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