I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I enjoy the company of your penis
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