Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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