**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
