How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
