You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
