i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
