White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
