my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
