well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
