Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
