I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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