JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
