Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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