Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
