I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
