he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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