it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
