I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize