Apparently you make a good broom.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
