So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
