i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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