she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
