she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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