I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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