Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Im part way to drunk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
