You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
