Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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