turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize