New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
