woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
